What would you do?

C

Citori16

Active member
I have a unique situation with a farmer friend that has six farms totaling 2000 acres. He gives me sole access and lets me have others hunt as long I am with them. ( worries about liability) Very limited pheasant hunting but good waterfowl at times. I reserve the pheasant hunting exclusively for myself since it so limited- lucky to get a 6-8 season. One farm holds the majority of the birds was planted to corn and cut the day before I left on an out of state hunt. I asked a friend to scout it for ducks/geese while I was gone for a hunt when I returned. Trip was cut short due to weather. Called for a scouting report- no waterfowl. ….Went out for a hunt a hour later to find size 12 boot tracks in the snow all over the habitat. He admitted to hunting pheasants but justified it by saying he didn’t kill any and didn’t think I would know he hunted
Seeing red at the moment - we hunt reasonably well together and he does do scouting for waterfowl so is helpful. What should I do? Feel that I can’t trust him
Thoughts?
 
So wait he admitted to hunting but only did it because he didn’t think you would find out? So obviously he knows he did something wrong. I personally would have a hard time trusting him. What else did he do that you don’t know about. It’s called lacking integrity. What do you do when nobody is watching.
 
Thoughts?

Well, calm down, it's over. The anger you are feeling is mostly likely a sense of betrayal by someone you trusted.

When you have stopped boiling about it, simmer down and drop him a note or email saying he stepped on your trust as a friend.
If you choose, add that you think differently about him, and will need some time--maybe a lot of time--before you have
much more to do with him.

Wish him well and good health.

Then drop it.


Best wishes.

(anger is a corrosive, don't let it eat at you.)
 
Kismet said:
Thoughts?

Well, calm down, it's over. The anger you are feeling is mostly likely a sense of betrayal by someone you trusted.

When you have stopped boiling about it, simmer down and drop him a note or email saying he stepped on your trust as a friend.
If you choose, add that you think differently about him, and will need some time--maybe a lot of time--before you have
much more to do with him.

Wish him well and good health.

Then drop it.


Best wishes.

(anger is a corrosive, don't let it eat at you.)
Click to expand...
I agree with everything Kismet posted, the only other I would add is not only did he betray you and jeopardize your friendship he also compromised you with the Farmer, as you stated other can hunt as long as they are with you. I would consider mentioning that to him as well. His actions could jeopardize your relationship with the farmer. Sorry this happened to you!
 
I know your pissed and feel betrayed but ask yourself if it's worth dissolving a friendship. I don't know close a friend he is. People make mistakes. If it's that big of a deal so be it.
 
What would have happened had the farmer showed up while he was hunting? I control permission for many farms here in OH and I can tell you how I would handle it if you were the one with permission and I showed up and a buddy of yours was there hunting with out you. Neither of you would have to worry about hunting it going forward. So not only did he betray your trust but also put at risk what you have spent time and effort cultivating with the land owner.
 
The potential loss of access is real, saw it happen to a close friend, with a similar situation.
That meant a spot for me as well, since I was almost always invited. Can’t comprehend such behavior.
Kismet’s summary is spot on - take a day or even two before approaching your friend. It will help bring clarity & calm. Strongly suggest face to face vs text, email, phone. I dealt with my share of conflict at work, and face to face was the only way (for me) to read a person’s sincerity, or lack thereof. I also agree with Birddude - so the onus is largely on your friend to right the ship - if possible. Very tough deal -
 
You have to let him know how you feel. Be as diplomatic as possible. Explain that he has betrayed your trust and remind him of the agreement you have with the farmer. That others can only hunt when they are with you and by doing what he did he has jeopardized your relationship with the farmer. And if he desires to hunt with you in the future he must abide by your rules. If he is a true friend he will understand. If not, bid him goodbye and send him on his way.

My guess is that this isn't the only time he has hunted that land without your knowledge.
 
No second chances on this. So if the farmer had seen him, and went to talk to him , and he said you gave him permission . The farmer could say that the last time he looked at the deed your name was'nt on it to give permission and would take it up with you. Not a good scenario. You would be toast cause he would have gave you up in a heartbeat. Say goodbye to him as a hunting partner. Outside of that it would be up to you. And Im like the other that said it probably wasnt his first time abusing your trust.
 
Just one added point: I suggested email or a note to eliminate the possibility of hot tempers rising, old slights brought up, and a renewal of your initial anger.

Send the message, let it go, and if he contacts you, remain formally polite. Nothing is served by face-to-face recriminations.

It's over. Go on and live a very good life.

Best wishes.
 
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