A Season to Remember?

Toad

Toad

Active member
Can anybody relate to this?

When nature calls, you gotta answer... I tend to "get the call" out in the field at least once or twice a season. Early in my hunting career it was a real panic moment.:eek: Hustling over to the closest available cover... Searching for a good log or tree to lean on for balance (without snow on it)... Peeling off the waders or brush pants... Scrounging for grass and soft-looking leaves... Possibly sacrificing a sock or a pair of drawers...:eek:

But ya know, practice makes perfect.:D Nowadays a deuce in the woods is no big deal whatsoever. I pack TP these days, just in case. Over the years I have developed my "technique" so that pooping in a CRP field is only slightly less comfortable than my own commode at home.

But 2011 is my crappiest year to date! Mother nature is stalking me!:rolleyes: My outdoor emergency poop count is currently at 4, and bird season hasn't even started yet! I've been called during a PC hunt, twice while bowhunting, and once on my trip to the bird farm CSA.

I was joking with my bowhunting buddy (after #4) that I will always remember 2011 as "The Season Of Frequent Outdoor Pooping". He fired back, "What if you actually remember it as, 'Your FIRST Season of Frequent Outdoor Pooping?'":eek: Geez, I hope not...:rolleyes:
 
We've got an abundance of humor on UPH this morning. I can tell bird season is real close when I find more humor than argument on this forum:thumbsup: I'm actually looking forward to my first I-70 off-ramp, as far down the back road as I can make it poop! It typically means I'm minutes away from seeing the sunrise and hopefully a few birds. Besides, the kids think it funny as all get out to see the ole man crappin' off the bumper:rolleyes::D
 
Toad, you're an open kind of guy, it seems. :cheers: That's a good thing. Once I had to use snow to clean up :eek: whilst pheasant hunting so now I always carry TP. ;) Not so unusual to have to use it. Exercise creates demand for energy which can move things along. Great thread. :10sign: LOL!
 
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I really appreciate when you are walking a piece of public land and come across someone else's fresh pile. A couple weeks ago I came across a fresh one laid by the guy I was hunting with. I thought about taking a picture of it and tagging him on Facebook.
 
This is too comical. A few guys in my group have this mastered using the front bumper in the CRP field. We ALWAYS have tp on hand. They don't understand why they have to sh%t after eating that biscuit they bought and ate while getting supplies at the store 2hrs before going afield. These are a daily occurence in my group.
 
Some call it TP, some call it Kleenex on a roll. Throw a roll in a gallon ziplock bag and be prepared. Don't usually carry in my bird bag, but always got a roll handy under the seat of the truck or in my saddle bags when in the mountains. For that really clean feel, finish up with a disposable wet wipe. :)
 
[/quote] For that really clean feel, finish up with a disposable wet wipe. :)[/QUOTE]

Moon the breeze for a quick dry after wet-napping. :p
 
I'll add my story...

I had some sort've temporary stomach ailment during dove season this year. Well I got out into the dove field and started the mile hike to the good spot when all the sudden I couldn't go any further. Thankfully I was wearing a t-shirt and had a leatherman... felt much better afterwards.
 
I think we've all had to use a pocket knife to cut the underwear off before, or the bottom of the t-shirt.

Just as long as we can prevent the dreaded baboon ass syndrome.
 
I have 3 or 4 shirts missing the tails. Figured easier & quicker than taking off my boot for a sock!!! Much wiser now and carry MRE TP in my vest. We have one guy in a group who is always " Hanging Ass" of a fence. I think he actually enjoys it. He is from Colorado:D
 
Man, you all have it all wrong! You need to keep a few paper towels or some TP in you vest pocket to mark where a bird goes down; now it has dual purpose:thumbsup:
 
I know if I have McDonalds for breakfast on the way to the field what I am in for. I always have baby wipes on hand. Ever since I have had a child, I now carry baby wipes in a ziplock instead of tp. You can't beat that fresh feeling in the field.
 
Hahahahahahahahahaha, I am laughing so hard I almost cut off my drawers! This is amazing! I will NEVER eat McDonald's before I get in the field either. Apparently, my dog thinks the same thing! Never fails, we're not walking more than 5 minutes and Nature calls. LMAO! keep these coming!
 
There's a thread on another forum I go to that is several years old, 62 pages long, all in regards to how to prevent the Baboon @$$ :)

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Lost the bottom half of my T-shirt in the Marsh this morning to this... and i ALWAYS have TP with me. But I opted to take the smaller blind bag with me this morning to the Marsh that did not have any in it. So of course today would be the day. Stupid Gas station breakfast.
 
This thread is going to the crapper fast.

I have had quite a few in the field moments. One of my most memorable moments though was a road trip on I-70 in eastern Colorado, when I had to pull over. Kept telling my wife I have to find some place to go or I will fill my drawers. She kept saying there wasn't any place. Just happened to come upon one of those dirt road exits(Vona, Arriba, etc), got off the interstate, got out, leaned up against the front bumper and let it fly. Oh what a relief.

On a somewhat related subject. My helper and I were on a construction job at a small town SW of Dodge(Copeland) and my helper's cousin was doing remodeling in the front of the building. The crew had pulled the commode and sink and sat them back in the part of the building where we were working. It happened that our excavation had produced some mouldable clay. Over our lunch break my helper started rolling clay, mixing a few lumps of slightly different colors together and voila a majestic turd appeared. I was laughing so hard. Then he rolled another and carefully placed them in the commode. Then he took some toilet paper and smudged some clay on it and placed it on the clay turds and even let the end of the roll of toilet paper dangle off the edge of the sink where it sat into the commode.

The next day we are back working and the carpenters came back and saw the filled commode and started going on about it. A few days went by and all the time they were talking about who took a dump in that disconnected commode. Finally one day we go back and the commode was gone and back in service in the bathroom. We asked who cleaned it up and one of the guys says, "Izz pickz zee pot up and Izz dump itz out and itz no stink."

All the time we kept accusing a guy that worked for the business of being the Copeland Crapper. By the time we left he was actually enjoying the notoriety and seemed to accept the responsibility for the prank.
 
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Years ago I got a job taking teenagers out in the woods for 20+ day "wilderness therapy" sessions. Well, I was getting the gear ready and mentioned that we didn't have tp and my boss looked at me like I was stupid, "we don't use toliet paper on these trips". Hmmmmm? Well, we didn't tell the kids that until we were about 6 miles up the trail on day one and night was falling. Boy, that was a fun conversation:rolleyes: well, needless to say that I got damn good at using sticks, snow balls and rocks ( even peed on the head of a mountain goat that was trying to lick the salt piss off the rocks before I was done, but thats another, abet really cool, story:)) To this day, whenever Im out in the field, I'll pick up and put in my pocket any flat, potato chip shaped rock I come across, lot easier then explaining the ripped up T-shirts...hell, haven't carried tp with me since unless wife is along and never get the baboon butt. friends don't notice, they all stink worse then me anyway, even with a dirty #**.. And yep, I'm from Colorado
 
Hmmm.... Wet wipe or rock...? Wet wipe or rock...? Gosh, I am going to have to say the wet wipe seems like a more practical suggestion for my personal situation. It's lighter to carry, it is designed to clean poo, and it is NOT a rock... :laugh:

TomT, you sir, are hardcore.:D I'm trying to visualize myself using the native limestone we have around here, and... no... no thankyou... I would rather have baboon a**.:laugh:
 
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