Bob Peters
Well-known member
NOTE-satire and humor ahead
In Iowa and South Dakota it's legal to hunt ditches. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right. "Hunting" birds in this manner, simply put, is unethical and dangerous. Regardless if you are 2 miles from a building or cattle herd, it's inherently assumed you would have no problems touching off a round at a rooster squatting in the ditch under farmer Johnson's mailbox. When your first two ground-pounds missed, you'd have no qualms taking it down to the plug as Rudy runs 'round the yard in front of the farm place. You sir, are a slob hunter. These guys walking ditches in the boonies, I suppose they'd have no issue spying a bird in the ditch, slipping the muzzle of a hand cannon out the window, shooting while perched behind the wheel. A lot of these guys don't have dogs and just want a bird for the crock pot, rules be damned. A flock of roosters over the fence having dinner? Arkansas those sons a' guns. If a hen gets in the way? Well, she'll eat too. Break one rule, break them all.
And the hunter who has a dog, surely he'll be walking a prairie more picturesque than any Redlin or Kouba? No, not all. There's a special breed of hunter, so bloodthirsty and wanton as to do anything, take any risk just to kill that damn rooster. He will go so far as to let the dog out to hunt that lonely country road. Even in a county where the pop. density is 1 person per square mile, this is a no no. On ground flat as a pancake, where the human eye can see 3 miles before the earth's curvature blocks vision, that dog is not likely to survive many days like this. You see, any moment that old farm truck will come ripping down that rutted up road, you know the one, more corrugated than great-granny's washboard. It'll jitter your teeth out if you go more than 9 mph, but that won't slow some people down.
And lastly, we all know who these people are. Mostly guys from the city or out-of-towners. The easy answer here, is to stop hunting rights-of-way and go find money public ground, there's plenty. What if it's a busy weekend, and the spots are covered up? Knock on doors, be polite, lots of times you'll get on with a 6-pack and hand shake. No luck? No problem. You tried. Come back on a weekday when it's not so busy. Oh, but you have a job M-F? Well, then you'll need to call your rich uncle and see if he'll buy you a section of CRP all your own. Not a very big ask. No rich uncle, deep pockets, or dad who farms a few sections. Not a hayseed who's lived in the country your whole life and have connections, we've come to the end of the gravel road, so to speak. You simply drive home, put the gun in the safe, and feel warm and fuzzy that you tried. Next year, maybe you don't buy a license. I've heard golf is fun. That pooch won't care. Instead you just take the old hound to a dog park in the city. They run around in a little fenced in area, sniffing other dogs' nether regions, fetching rubber toys. Dogs don't know any better. They'll be just as happy as a great retrieve on a rooster right?
Yes, I really look down my nose on these poor saps. Shooting from trucks, jumping out of vehicles guns loaded, rattling the windows while granny is sipping tea in her breakfast nook. The world is shrinking and hunting spots are tough to find. But what can be done? Those rich in land access can still hunt. The moneyed and well-to-do just slap down cash on the barrelhead at the blueblood Rooster Ritz Ranch. And that small percentage, very very small, who walk ditches after reading rules religiously, what with them? The ones who take distance from homes, heifers, hogbarns, and double them just to be on the safe side? Who put a dog down on a shoulder that sees .5 vehicles travel it a day, and has his head on a swivel and ears perked the entire time. Whose dog means more to him than most people? Well, we can't make exceptions for such a small amount. Lump those scant few in with all the poachers and transgressors who participate in this form of hunting that's a relic from days gone by. I've done it in the past and every time I think back I feel dirty. I'm penning a letter right now to Kristi. Yes I have her on speed dial, but I figure a more formal letter asking to ban hunting rights of way to be best course. And I'll send a letter to that less famous governor in Iowa too. This is a black eye for honest hunters, time to put an end to this monkey business once and for all.
In Iowa and South Dakota it's legal to hunt ditches. Just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right. "Hunting" birds in this manner, simply put, is unethical and dangerous. Regardless if you are 2 miles from a building or cattle herd, it's inherently assumed you would have no problems touching off a round at a rooster squatting in the ditch under farmer Johnson's mailbox. When your first two ground-pounds missed, you'd have no qualms taking it down to the plug as Rudy runs 'round the yard in front of the farm place. You sir, are a slob hunter. These guys walking ditches in the boonies, I suppose they'd have no issue spying a bird in the ditch, slipping the muzzle of a hand cannon out the window, shooting while perched behind the wheel. A lot of these guys don't have dogs and just want a bird for the crock pot, rules be damned. A flock of roosters over the fence having dinner? Arkansas those sons a' guns. If a hen gets in the way? Well, she'll eat too. Break one rule, break them all.
And the hunter who has a dog, surely he'll be walking a prairie more picturesque than any Redlin or Kouba? No, not all. There's a special breed of hunter, so bloodthirsty and wanton as to do anything, take any risk just to kill that damn rooster. He will go so far as to let the dog out to hunt that lonely country road. Even in a county where the pop. density is 1 person per square mile, this is a no no. On ground flat as a pancake, where the human eye can see 3 miles before the earth's curvature blocks vision, that dog is not likely to survive many days like this. You see, any moment that old farm truck will come ripping down that rutted up road, you know the one, more corrugated than great-granny's washboard. It'll jitter your teeth out if you go more than 9 mph, but that won't slow some people down.
And lastly, we all know who these people are. Mostly guys from the city or out-of-towners. The easy answer here, is to stop hunting rights-of-way and go find money public ground, there's plenty. What if it's a busy weekend, and the spots are covered up? Knock on doors, be polite, lots of times you'll get on with a 6-pack and hand shake. No luck? No problem. You tried. Come back on a weekday when it's not so busy. Oh, but you have a job M-F? Well, then you'll need to call your rich uncle and see if he'll buy you a section of CRP all your own. Not a very big ask. No rich uncle, deep pockets, or dad who farms a few sections. Not a hayseed who's lived in the country your whole life and have connections, we've come to the end of the gravel road, so to speak. You simply drive home, put the gun in the safe, and feel warm and fuzzy that you tried. Next year, maybe you don't buy a license. I've heard golf is fun. That pooch won't care. Instead you just take the old hound to a dog park in the city. They run around in a little fenced in area, sniffing other dogs' nether regions, fetching rubber toys. Dogs don't know any better. They'll be just as happy as a great retrieve on a rooster right?
Yes, I really look down my nose on these poor saps. Shooting from trucks, jumping out of vehicles guns loaded, rattling the windows while granny is sipping tea in her breakfast nook. The world is shrinking and hunting spots are tough to find. But what can be done? Those rich in land access can still hunt. The moneyed and well-to-do just slap down cash on the barrelhead at the blueblood Rooster Ritz Ranch. And that small percentage, very very small, who walk ditches after reading rules religiously, what with them? The ones who take distance from homes, heifers, hogbarns, and double them just to be on the safe side? Who put a dog down on a shoulder that sees .5 vehicles travel it a day, and has his head on a swivel and ears perked the entire time. Whose dog means more to him than most people? Well, we can't make exceptions for such a small amount. Lump those scant few in with all the poachers and transgressors who participate in this form of hunting that's a relic from days gone by. I've done it in the past and every time I think back I feel dirty. I'm penning a letter right now to Kristi. Yes I have her on speed dial, but I figure a more formal letter asking to ban hunting rights of way to be best course. And I'll send a letter to that less famous governor in Iowa too. This is a black eye for honest hunters, time to put an end to this monkey business once and for all.
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