henhenROOSTER!!!
New member
Kismet & jmac: Two SOLID 10's right there!!! :10sign:
Good jokes and general fun.
- Thread starter FCSpringer
- Start date
mnmthunting
Banned
Yup! funny stuff you guys.:cheers:
JMc
Super Moderator
A man was walking his son through the park when they came across two dogs engaged in "sexual" activity. The boy asked his dad, "what are those two dogs doing"? And the dad responded, "well son, they are making puppies". The boy seemed content and the walk continued.
Later that night, the boy couldn't fall asleep so he wandered into his mom and dads bedroom. Mom and dad were engaged in "sexual" activity. The boy says, "mom, dad, what are you guys doing". The mom looks up and says, "well son, we are making you a little brother or sister". The boys looks at his dad and says..."flip mommy over daddy, I would rather have a puppy"!
Later that night, the boy couldn't fall asleep so he wandered into his mom and dads bedroom. Mom and dad were engaged in "sexual" activity. The boy says, "mom, dad, what are you guys doing". The mom looks up and says, "well son, we are making you a little brother or sister". The boys looks at his dad and says..."flip mommy over daddy, I would rather have a puppy"!
BleuBijou
Active member
I know some of you had read this before , but i like it!!
This is the story of Neb and Jeb
A beautiful young woman was driving thru Rural Kansas when her car broke down.
A farmer happend by and the young woman asked if there was a garage close by that could fix her car.
The farmer said yes, but it is closed until Monday.
The young woman asked if there was a place to stay in town until her car was fixed.
The farmer replied; no, but you can stay at my place if you don't mind stayin' with my boy's Neb and Jeb.
The young woman hesitated for a moment and figured she didn't have much of a choice so she accepted the offer from the farmer.
At bedtime she was in the middle of Neb and Jeb.
She was feeling a little horny, so she rolled over to Neb and asked; " do you wanna do it"
Neb replied ; " Do what???"
Here, put this on so I don't get pregnant.
After Neb, she was still not satisfied. So she rolled over to Jeb and asked " Jeb, do you wanna do it??"
Jeb replied, "Do what"
Here , put this on so I don't get pregnant.
The next day the farmer took the young woman to town and her car got fixed.
2 months later Neb and Jeb were out fixin' fence and Neb says " Jeb you really care if that girl gets pregnant???
Nope , let' take these things off!!!!!!
This is the story of Neb and Jeb
A beautiful young woman was driving thru Rural Kansas when her car broke down.
A farmer happend by and the young woman asked if there was a garage close by that could fix her car.
The farmer said yes, but it is closed until Monday.
The young woman asked if there was a place to stay in town until her car was fixed.
The farmer replied; no, but you can stay at my place if you don't mind stayin' with my boy's Neb and Jeb.
The young woman hesitated for a moment and figured she didn't have much of a choice so she accepted the offer from the farmer.
At bedtime she was in the middle of Neb and Jeb.
She was feeling a little horny, so she rolled over to Neb and asked; " do you wanna do it"
Neb replied ; " Do what???"
Here, put this on so I don't get pregnant.
After Neb, she was still not satisfied. So she rolled over to Jeb and asked " Jeb, do you wanna do it??"
Jeb replied, "Do what"
Here , put this on so I don't get pregnant.
The next day the farmer took the young woman to town and her car got fixed.
2 months later Neb and Jeb were out fixin' fence and Neb says " Jeb you really care if that girl gets pregnant???
Nope , let' take these things off!!!!!!
BleuBijou
Active member
For you Fantasy football guys!!!!! LOL
Old Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'it's called fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14' Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally craps in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides :cheers::cheers::cheers:
Old Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'it's called fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14' Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally craps in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides :cheers::cheers::cheers:
goldeneye
New member
Good ones guys:10sign: nothing better than a good joke
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs! The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!' She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!' Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!' She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???' The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell didn't I ?
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a Grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs! The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!' She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!' Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!' She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???' The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'Rang the doorbell didn't I ?
BleuBijou
Active member
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother':cheers::cheers::cheers:
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother':cheers::cheers::cheers:
BritChaser
Well-known member
An Exchange of Slaps
A couple were riding along and suddenly the wife hauls off and slaps her husband hard.
"What was that for?!" he bellowed.
"For thirty years of lousy sex, that's what," the wife snapped back.
They rode along for awhile and then the husband hauls offs and slaps his wife really hard.
"What was that for?!" the wife screamed.
"Knowing it was lousy!"
A couple were riding along and suddenly the wife hauls off and slaps her husband hard.
"What was that for?!" he bellowed.
"For thirty years of lousy sex, that's what," the wife snapped back.
They rode along for awhile and then the husband hauls offs and slaps his wife really hard.
"What was that for?!" the wife screamed.
"Knowing it was lousy!"
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As the saying goes, "Don't mess with seniors!"
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, " What goes up hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. he wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, " What goes up hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail.
After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. he wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
goldeneye
New member
I was told once that an Irish man is not drunk as long as he can hang onto the edge of the world. :beer:
@JMAC I like that Joke "seniors!" Love em
beaglebob1
New member
now thats funny, idont care who you are thats funny.:cheers:
:cheers:
WI ditch chicken
New member
Ole and Elle
Ole and Elle waned to get married. Since it was close to deer season and the bus that took everyone from town up nort to hunt deer. They didn't want to miss the hunt so they went along and would get married at the little church up nort.
The night before opening day evrybody piled onto the bus. After an hour of driving the bus broke down and was stuck on the side of the road.
While waiting for someone to come fix it Ole said to Elle ''Hey lets sneek off into the bushes and fool around alittle?''
Elle replied, ''No, Ole we have to wait til we're married.''
''Fine fine.''
The bus was fixed and everyone rejoiced. But an hour later the bus broke down again.
Ole tried again, ''Hey Elle, Lets go fool around in the bushes?''
''No Ole we can't. We're almost there we have to wait!''
The bus was fixed and they were almost there when it broke down a third time. Ole thought he should try one more time.
''Hey Elle lets go mess around in the bushes.''
Elle agreed and started to walk towards the brush when Ole said, ''Wait what changed? The other times you said we should wait. Now we're just an hour from the church and you said we should.''
Elle replied, ''I heard some of the fellas in the back of the bus say the f@*%ing season was going to be over by the time we got there.''
Ole and Elle waned to get married. Since it was close to deer season and the bus that took everyone from town up nort to hunt deer. They didn't want to miss the hunt so they went along and would get married at the little church up nort.
The night before opening day evrybody piled onto the bus. After an hour of driving the bus broke down and was stuck on the side of the road.
While waiting for someone to come fix it Ole said to Elle ''Hey lets sneek off into the bushes and fool around alittle?''
Elle replied, ''No, Ole we have to wait til we're married.''
''Fine fine.''
The bus was fixed and everyone rejoiced. But an hour later the bus broke down again.
Ole tried again, ''Hey Elle, Lets go fool around in the bushes?''
''No Ole we can't. We're almost there we have to wait!''
The bus was fixed and they were almost there when it broke down a third time. Ole thought he should try one more time.
''Hey Elle lets go mess around in the bushes.''
Elle agreed and started to walk towards the brush when Ole said, ''Wait what changed? The other times you said we should wait. Now we're just an hour from the church and you said we should.''
Elle replied, ''I heard some of the fellas in the back of the bus say the f@*%ing season was going to be over by the time we got there.''
SDJIM
New member
Ops your right OBL
BritChaser
Well-known member
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?" ta - dum.