Good jokes and general fun.

Take a fresh bag of Krispy Creams to your friends or to a co worker you can poke fun with and let them see you eating one with the bag in hand. Emmmmm, ask, "Wana hurts dohnut" real fast. They will likely say sure as you are kinda holding the bag out. Thats when you give em a good sock on the shoulder, and say hurts don't it.:D
 
I finally got around to going fishing this morning - but after a
while, I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good
bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his
mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it
in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten -
I grabbed my bottle of Jim Beam and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp! I released him into the lake
without incident and carried on with my fishing, using the frog as bait.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

There was that damn snake with two frogs in his mouth!
 
jmac said:
A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to he first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde thatshe has paid for economy class, and she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-piolet goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot say's, "You say she is blonde? I'll handle this; I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back yo her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
Click to expand...

A blond's mating call: "I am sooo drunk."
 
A ventriloquist is setting up his act on stage in a local comedy club.

Puts his dummy on his knee and begins his 20 minute explosion of blonde jokes.

After 20 minutes, he lets the laughter from the crowd that is going crazy calm down and has a drink of water. The crowd gets quiet and at this point a very attractive blonde lady stands up.

The blonde starts yelling "that is not funny, you are belittling women and down-grading people with blonde hair and I do not find it a bit funny. You are not funny".

The ventriloquist says "Maam, did not mean to offend you"

"Mr. You need to shut up. I am not talking to you. I am talking to the little guy on your knee. (I cleaned it up a bit. I hope it still has the same laugh).:D
 
FCSpringer said:
Since we like to let off steam on funnin around here is another topic on good jokes, but no racial or dirty jokes please. It will get removed.

Now I heard a good one today. How do you know when Coot got a new set of snow tires?????

When you see him drive through town with NO HUNTING written on his tires with fresh white paint.:D
Click to expand...

OH GREAT you told everyone:mad: Now I'm going to have to drive forever to find a good set of white wall tires:D
 
captaincoot said:
OH GREAT you told everyone:mad: Now I'm going to have to drive forever to find a good set of white wall tires:D
Click to expand...

NO worry captian coot. Where you live the snow is so deep no one could read it anyway so who cares?:D I don't know but I could see those snow tires from my GPS. Come on, so you got a new pair of snow tires. Hope you guys can dig out the snow. By the way, you Colorado guys are in some deep do do right now and so are you Kansas guys. You all need to become snow birds in AZ and hunt the quail. I don't know, just saying, LOL.:D:cheers:
 
This was on twitter this morning from a newspaper clipping and I thought it must be a joke so what better place to post it.

"To all you hunter who kill animals for food, shame on you:you ought to go to the store and buy the meat that was made there, where no animals were harmed." :D
 
I like it:thumbsup:

I would love to meeet the jack A$$ that thinks like that:thumbsup:.
 
FCSpringer said:
LOL thats a good one, I wonder if thats the same place they grow money trees.:D
Click to expand...

I think the place was newspaper clipping was out of omaha. I'll have to have a buddy see if he can find those trees and bring some back to grow in the back yard. :D:thumbsup:
 
Ok, Here's an oldie that I'll revive.

Farmer Bill decided to visit Rancher Bob. Bill got over to the ranch and noticed that Bob was down at the barn. As he headed that way he noticed that Bob had some marks above the barn door and a holding a hand saw.

"Bob, what are doing?"

"Well," said Bob. The horses are always bumping their heads coming into the barn so I need to make the opening higher."

Bill points at the bottom of the doorway and says, "Why don't you just clean out that pile of manure in the doorway?"

Bob replies, "You fool, they aren't tripping coming in, they're hitting their heads!!" :rolleyes:
 
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Dewey said:
Ok, Here's an oldie that I'll revive.

Farmer Bill decided to visit Rancher Bob. Bill got over to the ranch and noticed that Bob was down at the barn. As he headed that way he noticed that Bob had some marks above the barn door and a holding a hand saw.

"Bob, what are doing?"

"Well," said Bob. The horses are always bumping their heads coming into the barn so I need to make the opening higher."

Bill points at the bottom of the doorway and says, "Why don't you just clean out that pile of manure in the doorway?"

Bob replies, "You fool, they aren't tripping coming in, their hitting their heads!!" :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

not bad, redneck humor, LOL Keep them coming.:D
 
FCSpringer said:
Bob... You have it all wrong. The MN state bird is the mosquito. There for we can not be loonatics.:D

U know why ducks fly up side down over IA don't U.

Because it ain't worth doo dooing on.


An Iweedgin finally got tired of them darn Minnesotans poking fun so one day he just snapped. He said I'll fix em. So he went to his shed, grabbed a stick of dynamite, ran over to the boarder Rd, and tossed it in the MN guy's shed. Now The MN guy scratched his head, and looked at him frustrated that he would actually go to that extent. So he said what the hell den der. He walked over to the dynamite, picked it up, lit it, and threw it back.:D
Click to expand...

So you like to tell IA jokes:) I only need one word for a Minnesota joke VIKINGS:D HA HA HA thats funny:cheers:

What the difference between a Minn. cheerleader and a garbage bag?
Garbage bag gets taken out once a week.:cheers:
 
A tough looking group of Harley Davidson bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump
off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man fron Mt. Vernon , gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked
"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering sensual kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!! Why are you committing suicide?"
Because "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
 
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom:eek: A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. What's all the screaming about in there?:mad: he yells. You're scaring my customers! "I'm just sitting here on the toilet" slurs the drunk, "and every time I flush , something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts":eek: The bartender opens the door,and says "you idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!"
 
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