Good jokes and general fun.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

This Student Received The Only "A".





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Pheasants Forever Life Member

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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

This Student Received The Only "A".





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__________________
Pheasants Forever Life Member

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Roflol Thats perfect. I love this. LOL:thumbsup::10sign::cheers:
 
Ha ha

A guy walk into a bar with his 1911 colt with an eight round clip. He yells Who here has been screwing my Wife?

A guy in they back yells . you need more ammo.

Just another reason you need high capacity firearms. LOL:D
 
The Haircut


A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left but did not return that day.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left and again, did not return that day.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.' The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back later.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!"
 
Best friend

Harry brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 PM after work.



As soon as his wife realizes what?s going on she goes ballistic.

Begins yelling at Harry as his friend, totally startled, just sits on the sofa taking it all in.



She screams, "What the hell is wrong with you Harry? My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are dirty in the sink, I'm still in my sweats, I?ve got my period, and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home without warning me?"



Harry says, "Because he's considering getting married!"
 
THE GUNFIGHTER


A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an
elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest
gun in the West.

The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and
told him of his great ambition to be a great shot.

'Could you give me some tips?' asked the young cowboy.

The old-timer said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too
high -- tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' the young cowboy asked.

'Sure will,' the old-timer replied.

The young cowboy did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and
shot the bow tie off of the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the youngcowboy. 'Got any more tips?'

'Yep,' said the old-timer. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the
hammer hits it - that'll give you a smoother draw.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young cowboy.

'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young cowboy took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his
gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off of the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the young cowboy, 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got
any more tips?'

The old-timer pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See
that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young cowboy smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun ... grip and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young cowboy.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playin' the
piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as
much.'
 
Gun Nut

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable."

In Michigan , he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit ."

In Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food."

In Kansas , he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Wisconsin , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Alabama , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina , Virginia , Mississippi , Tennessee , Kentucky and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

And in Texas he'd just be "Bubba, who's a little short of ammo."
 
LOL!!! I know several people in Kansas who own more then 150 guns each. I call them Hobbyists!!!! Now that is a gun room!!! Funny stuff Jim!!!:cheers:
 
Came a cross two guys arguing in Colorado. One was a preacher and the other was an activist. They were arguing over gay marriage and legalizing pot. The preacher condemned both and the activist couldn't believe it and said..."as a preacher, you should know that in the book of Leviticus it says if two men lie together...they shall be stoned."
 
Jesus

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.':cheers:
 
Alaskan Story

An Alaskan Story

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man
answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're
sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife", said one
of the troopers. Wilkens exclaimed, "Tell me! Did you find her?!" The
troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good
news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The
trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your
wife's body in Kachemak Ba." Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good
news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12
twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to
her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch. Stunned, Mr.
Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" The
trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow ."
 
Med School

When students took the entrance exam for med school, they were perplexed by this question:

"Rearrange the letters "P-N-E-S-I" to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect."


Those who spelled "SPINE" became doctors.

The rest are in Congress.:D
 
Will

The Will

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place
to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."

"My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property? The asshole had a paper route!":cheers::cheers:
 
An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.'



"So what do you think about that Doc?"



The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.



The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."



The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
:D
 
INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS



One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque that was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.



The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'



'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?'



The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'



Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 8:00 or the 10:30?'
 
A new hunter calls his best friend and says " shot my first turkey today--scared the hell out of everyone in the frozen foods section---it was awesome:D
 
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