Good jokes and general fun.

FCSpringer

Moderator
Since we like to let off steam on funning around here is another topic on good jokes, but no racial or trashy terribly dirty jokes please. It will get removed.

Now I heard a good one today. How do you know when Coot got a new set of snow tires?????

When you see him drive through town with NO HUNTING written on his tires with fresh white paint.:D
 
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How did the theory of evolution come about? Turns out (pretty sure this is true) that Darwin went on an expedition to deep dark Africa. He got to partying with some of the local natives, hard a bit too much to drink, and woke up the next morning with a monkey beside him. He had to come up with something to save face.
 
Did you hear about the guy that was so ugly he could go squirrel hunting without a gun. He would get close to the squirrels and they would fall over dead. He use to take his wife but, she tore them up too bad.
 
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.
Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard--I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper
 
The Minnesota Department of Labor claimed a small Nelson County farmer was
not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate
him.

Department of Labor Employee: "I need a list of your employees and how
much you pay them."

Farmer: "Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay
him $ 400 a week plus free room and board."

"Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every
day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per
week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every
Saturday night so he can cope with life.. He also sleeps with my wife
occasionally."

Department of Labor Employee: "That's the guy I want to talk to...the
mentally challenged one."

Farmer: "That would be me."
 
What is the Minnesota State Bird?............. The Loon

What is the Minnesota State Insect?...........The Wood tick


That is why Minnesotans are called Loonaticks
 
@Goldeneye & Waggs: PRICELESS!!! :10sign:

Did you hear about the guy in NYC who's teeth were so yellow that every time he smiled the taxi cabs slowed down? :D

How bout the guy's mama who was so fat that when she wore a Malcom-X t-shirt a helicopter tried to land on it? Or the schoolteacher who was so fat that every time she wrote on the chalkboard, she erased it whenever she turned around to face the class. :p

Then there's the elderly man sitting on a park bench, stooped over with his head in his hands crying. When someone stopped to see what was the matter He blubbered out, "I just married a really hot 25 yr old who loves on me anytime I want & cooks like a dream". The concerned & somewhat startled citizen asked, "Then why are you crying"? Old man says, "Because I can't remember where I live". :eek:

Last One: Old man goes to the doc & asks for half a viagra. Doc says why on earth do you want only half? Feller replies, "Oh heavens no, I don't want it for that - I just wanna stop peeing on my shoes". :cheers:
 
How to catch a bear:

First you find a nice spot in the woods and dig a big hole and fill it with ash. Then you put pea's on the ground around the hole. When the bear stops to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole!
 
Since we like to let off steam on funnin around here is another topic on good jokes, but no racial or dirty jokes please. It will get removed.

Now I heard a good one today. How do you know when Coot got a new set of snow tires?????

When you see him drive through town with NO HUNTING written on his tires with fresh white paint.:D

Good one!! lol
 
Old Feller Walks Into a . . .

Old feller walks into an icecream parlor, shuffling along slowly, obviously in pain. Climbs painfully on to a stool at the counter. Counter girl comes up and asks, "What can I get you, sir?" "Oh, a hot fudge sunday, I guess," the old feller replies, trying to find a comfortable position on the stool. "Nuts?" the girl asks. "Nope. Arthritis."
 
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Since we like to let off steam on funnin around here is another topic on good jokes, but no racial or dirty jokes please. It will get removed.

Now I heard a good one today. How do you know when Coot got a new set of snow tires?????

When you see him drive through town with NO HUNTING written on his tires with fresh white paint.:D

Good thread, sir.
 
Here is one that I like........Bob

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the world and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.



No, wait. Sorry. I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit. Never mind.
 
Bob... You have it all wrong. The MN state bird is the mosquito. There for we can not be loonatics.:D

U know why ducks fly up side down over IA don't U.

Because it ain't worth doo dooing on.


An Iweedgin finally got tired of them darn Minnesotans poking fun so one day he just snapped. He said I'll fix em. So he went to his shed, grabbed a stick of dynamite, ran over to the boarder Rd, and tossed it in the MN guy's shed. Now The MN guy scratched his head, and looked at him frustrated that he would actually go to that extent. So he said what the hell den der. He walked over to the dynamite, picked it up, lit it, and threw it back.:D
 
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A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to he first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde thatshe has paid for economy class, and she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies,"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-piolet goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm Beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm staying right here.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot say's, "You say she is blonde? I'll handle this; I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back yo her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I TOLD HER, FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."
 
Ken, When the bill was introduced into Minnesota congress to make the wood tick the state insect. There were a lot of arguments that should be the mosquito. But the wood tick won.......Bob
 
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